A Valred Routine

 So how long has it been then, 6-month i guess right? I don’t know, whose keeping track of this anyways. Things have happened since the last time i posted I waited for 3 months to post that one then I asked Keegan before posting for advice and he said “just think of it like no one's going to read it anyways” someone remind why am I still friends with him?

I am sure this time I will post this as soon as it is done, I think I don’t know.

I have fixed my sleep schedule which is the best thing I have done in really long time. I sleep at around 11 and then wake up at 6!! and it's become a routine it seems boring but not everything you do has to be interesting at-least as per the stoic philosophy I consider this as a Win. I go for walk at around 6:30 in the morning which is nice and try to walk at-least 11 kms for now. I think I take 9 and half minutes per km so in total 1 hour 45 minutes which is good because when I started it was 5-6 km in same time so baby steps, I‘ll get there hopefully. A long walk just clears your mind completely sometimes, there must be something on the biological level that affects the psychology, someone needs to look into this and pay me royalty for this discovery. Also waking up this early just gives you more control over the day and this really something I am surprised by a lot of things get done easily.

I have picked up a new skill Juggling. I just was watching YouTube, and I came across this video.

If you watch it the Quokka’s reaction is just too wholesome to miss, like there is a sense of respect the animal has towards that person and I feel even I want that from an animal I don’t care about the respect of other people, but I want that from an animal hence the decision to learn this. Ridiculous I know but that's how my minds work!  but a good thing to come out of this is I have stopped using fidget's devices in general now and this has replaced it which is nice because at least people will be impressed and not weirded out by some idiot clicking on a button of cube or spinning a top randomly. This is a cool skill I feel now all I need is long ass shoes a red nose and colorful wig and the transformation will be complete.

I struggle with social cues, and I don’t have the confidence that comes to talk to people hence I have tried to talk to people, but I have noticed I lack a lot in terms of communication skills like what do people talk about now-a-days. Also in person conversations are the worst like what do you with your arms? Hide it in pocket or use phone to hide. 

The issue I think with me is I tend to talk way too much or nothing there is no in between so people actually think I am insane or serial killer plotting their murder in my head (I am not at-least for now hahaha come on, I am joking, or am I?)

This has been an issue because all my life because I think I have tried to do things on my own and never asked for help. 

I have been made enough fun at work for this because usually I ask for help and then I am the only person giving suggestions and trying to figure it out the other person just listening, it's just sad but it’s fine, I will do better from now. I will reach out when I need help, shut up and listen. Also, I think I have cringed way too much at people showing emotions or this species that usually get on my nerves - couples. This has now come to bite me because to be a better person I need to make these changes, man this is so difficult and annoying, but I can't run away from this. It’s a good thing I don’t give up easy so will put a lot more effort maybe one day I ask someone how their day went, and they don’t doubt if I am joking and actually think I am being empathetic towards them *fingers crossed*. I also need to work on my empathetic side because it's been lacking from a long time, maybe because I am bad person in general and never try to understand why it’s difficult for some people to hide emotions and move on. I used to think this is a gift, but the last 3 years have made me realize that this is a curse and I just need to get rid of this.

The main issue I have is also giving advice to people which I suck big time I just don’t know how to give advice. I have this thing where if I am not good at something or I don’t know I just don’t talk about it because I clearly lack expertise and when someone tries to move a conversation in that line like something they are going through or just feelings I just don’t know what to do. It's because I feel mental illness is a real problem and it's here to stay, I can't just tell someone to get over it or drink water, I don’t know how drinking water will help but okay so the best solution in that case should be to just to talk to a professional. Now this is tricky because what to do when someone close or someone you want to be close with comes to you, you can't just push that person away saying talk to a professional, but I figured it out how that I just need to be there. I just need to show up that's it! I think. 

So, moving forward I am going to always be there I am going to be that person who just shows up it will be annoying it will be embarrassing, I may even get beaten up (usually in one of my fake scenarios I always end up getting beaten up I have no idea why).

I will have a-lot of panic attacks and my good friend anxiety will tag along but I am going to be there at-least in my ‘limited capacity’.

If you get this man you have my heart, this is a still from the tv show sex education it’s a beautiful scene where the female lead gets an abortion done alone and the male lead just shows up after and the whole exchange lasts just some minutes i think , they could have easily milked this for lot more time but they didn’t because there are so many more such scenes that will melt you heart like this one 

and that's how you know how good of a show this is. You need to watch it! its brilliantly written, I have stopped watching from com/ sitcoms entirely and I have made a rule I will watch it only if the story is engaging and has something to offer otherwise it's not worth wasting time. This is unique because it has at least 4-5 everyman characters which I find interesting usually it's just one (Everyman character is a person who us as the viewer relate to like a hero or main character, its more complicated but I am not going to bore you out with my nerdiness).

but somehow, they have made it work hence it’s highly relatable okay enough tv shows otherwise I will just keep writing stanzas. Watch it if you have the time its good! My favorite character is Eric he is the most non annoying gay character in a tv show I have seen in a long time. Also, I still haven’t finished the latest season yet! 

Actually, to be honest I don't even know what showing up means but I felt really good after saying it so please let me have this for now, I will figure it out afterwards. I will I promise.

If you are reading this and you are going through something, it's not easy I know but the thing is you need to reach out to people or at least try to, it’s difficult but there is no drug that this stupid illness can be fixed with and *excuse my French*  fuck those idiots who say it's all in your head, where else is it supposed to be?! you moron! it's like those cooking shows where they say use a sharp knife why would I ever use a blunt knife? you moron!! 

I digress but just reach out to people you will get through this I have high hopes from you. 

I always keep in mind this saying that has been my WhatsApp status from 5-6 years now. 

“It doesn't matter how bad you are if the right people like you, you have nothing to worry about.”

You are not a burden to anyone always remember this except if you are the chairman of BCCI, what?! it’s okay I won't get into trouble.

What you think the government is going to be reading this?

I have always been a rebel \m/

I went to Jaipur for a week it was nice. It was more of a staycation than a vacation, i am not an explorer or trekker or an Adeline junkie, I just want to relax in place having a better weather than Mumbai with less pollution that is it.

This is a nice video I took if you are into nature ASMR enjoy.

Jaipur has a slow-paced life I think just like Goa but then that has it downside, you can't get things done easily which is annoying but in Mumbai you could just manifest it and things will be done no matter for the right price which is the reason I love Mumbai so God damn much. It’s unreal how much I love this stupid city given the number of issues it has, the LED lights to start with XD.

I follow cricket a lot maybe too much I feel at times and this year has been so annoying and frustrating as a fan like painful wherein you just lose hope with this team of yours. The fact that these guys every one of them are the most talented set of players we will ever get to witness we cannot win anything somehow always this god awful 'Luck' factor that comes into play. Imagine the amount of hard work put them and then lose everything all at once and the worse thing is they aren't going to be forever young, I feel for the players at times but sometimes i don't also because there is no excuse to play glory shorts or aggressive play especially when your team need to be on the pitch to deliver. I am looking at your Rohit, there was no need to go for a boundary when you already hit two in that maxwell over. 

Bloody annoying man really!! sigh! its fine you live by the sword then you die by the sword as well, we aim for the 2024 t20 world cup letssss goooo !!!!

I think sports has this deep impact on you where you get to witness all these emotions of loss and win and its so good, raw and real -  this could be tagline for a Juice Centre. Virat Kohli who is literally the definition of what hard work and discipline looks like has had the best of the year not better than 2016 but almost par to 2018 I feel which is so good to see because if it didn't happen then I don't think I would ever be able to convince myself or ever hope that good things will happen as long the effort and hard work is put into it.

okay enough of this boring cricket nonsense, the loser in me will start narrating every moment of cricket for no reason at all, time to stop. More of this on my Instagram where i weep they win and lose, i am a very emotional guy guys come on.

I get asked this occasionally why you don’t post on separate page on Instagram rather than your profile so just going to address this once and for all. Creating a page is too much effort and then to keep sharing and asking people to like share is just too much it will feel like a job/career then which I have no interest in pursuing. 

There is saying that goes. 

“One for the kitchen and one for the soul.”

 

The kitchen part is sorted I am at a very good point in my professional life which I don’t need to worry about for at least another 10 years, unfortunately I really love the job I do. 

shocking?! I know but it's the truth. the feeding of the soul is what I am currently doing posting this nonsense. Feeding of the soul is a never-ending process but I do feel I will stop posting at some point. Social Media is good in doses, but it can't lead me to use it like a ventilator so yeah it will stop. There is always a start and stop to things just like Jonathan Nolan says every character has a start and an end in a story, I will never forgive him for killing of Taraji Hansen’s character just randomly in really weird and awkward manner in the tv show Person of Interest but okay he makes some sense and good tv shows.

I watched Tiger 3 for reasons not known to mankind. 

For me all movies by the thespian, Salman Khan are comedy no matter what the plot. The only good thing about the movie is Emraan Hashmi even his entry music is brilliant, but the issue is the script is Selmon Bhoi approved, blud has dialogues like 

‘I saw green color in my dream last night which means my healing process has begun after immense pain that you have caused me Tiger’.

Yes, I know it’s written by GENZ, and this is supposed to be the main villain. 

Salman has done some epic stuff in this movie like some of it has no explanation or maybe salman is that good like there is a scene where a sniper is shooting at him and Bhoi ducks behind a car somehow grabs a rifle and then TAKES DOWN A SNIPER FROM GROUND!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I AM SAYING HE USED A RIFLE TO SPOT A SNIPER AND KILLED HER YES HER!!!!(her is emraan hasmi's love interest in movie).

Just for the record, Bhoi just killed a woman in a movie which is fictional guys, he would never even hurt a woman in real life just like how he schools those poor (literally because why on earth would you participate in this nonsense of a show) contestant playing the almighty all-knowing judge jury executioner woman protector on Bigg Boss, what do you mean Aishwarya Rai disagrees?!

I know nothing of this please move on, both of them already have ;)

Salman also has dialogues like

"Informant ko bolo breakfast light karne kyunki lunch toh tiger ke saath hi hoga"

Also, security guard was watching movies on tv selman beats him up saying 

"Chote parde pe nahi seedha bade parde pe film dikata hoon"

I can confirm this is a 4th wall break.

None of this is made up, I wish I was this good. The movie is something I don't what it is, but it is something. Do not watch it, I watched it in a theatre though with the only hardcore Bhoi fan I know Keegan. Previously both of us watched Tiger Zinder Hai which is the second installation of this Shakespearean Saga and were almost kicked out because we were laughing at the serious scenes as well. Luckily this time there were like 7 people in the theatre including us, which was nice. I have this thing of watching movies in empty theatres which is the whole reason I prefer to go alone and have a hack also on how to do this but that is a secret I will take to my grave. Only the Rodrigues and Pereira family knows about this for now.

The year's about to end and just this year has been too special I did so many changes in my life I am impressed with myself, and I feel good about this. I have put the effort and outcomes are impressive, will put more effort from hereon.

Alot of my friends also go married this year, which was nice, 

there is something about seeing people you grew up with who are literal imbeciles and clowns in general but finally feel the need to sacrifice their happiness and give in hahahahah i am kidding come on I have very sadistic idea of marriage in my head I wonder why but I have felt happy for them and the thing I keep stressing on this is rarely do feel this. I don't mean I am not happy but I don't think you can be happy all time it's just not possible and that fact that it rarely happens to me I keep track of these things, but this is nice warm fuzzy feeling like it feels as a win but I have no stake in this, is this what love feels like guys ?! maybe it is who knows. I need to tap into this more, this is aiming next year also more i plan to get out of my confront zone a lot more next year no resolution as such but I thinks it's time! what's the worse that could happen. *Anxiety laughing in the corner XD*

I always say I won't write more than 4 paras and then end up writing way too much, this is the end of the blog so if you are reading this, I hope you have a nice day and also can you please manifest a croissant or a cinnamon roll for me. Just manifest it I will order it myself I just don’t want the guilt so eventually when I do order it, I can blame one of you for it. Thanks! Also, maybe I will keep making this a 6-month thing from now on let's see - life’s too short to be planning this ahead, see you in 6 months hopefully!! 

Wishing You a Happy New Year!